More

MORE. (Pt. 2) I was reminded again this morning during my prayer time that God has "more" for us. Years ago I learned the practice of praying back to God, His Word to us...which is a revelation of His will. (By the way...this is a key to answered prayer...1 JOHN 5:14-15)
 
This practice was reinforced for me after reading a great little book written by Dr. Bruce Wilkinson entitled, "The Prayer of Jabez". If you're unfamiliar with Jabez's story, you'll find it in 1 Chronicles 4 buried among some of the most uninteresting reading in the Bible...chapter after chapter of genealogies. The writer is tracing the official Jewish family tree from Adam through thousands of years. In the middle of hundreds of names, one receives special comment...
 
1 CHRON. 4:9-10 (NKJV) Now Jabez was more honorable than his brothers, and his mother called his name Jabez, saying, "Because I bore him in pain."  And Jabez called on the God of Israel saying, "Oh, that You would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evil, that I may not cause pain!" So God  granted him what he requested.
Here's a guy who started with almost nothing, cried out to God in prayer and ended up being recognized in Scripture as a man of honor. I don't know your story, but bold prayer can move you from where you are to a place of honor. Here's the key...you must be willing to ask for the "more" that God has for you!

I want to encourage you to "boldly approach the throne of grace" this week and ask God to bless you and enlarge your territory. By the way...when the blessing arrives, remember that it’s not just for you...God blesses us to be a blessing! One way to do that is to share your story. As you step into bold faith by asking God for more, expect Him to answer. And when He does, let me hear about it! Post a comment here or send me an email or call your Campus Pastor. Your story just might be the method God uses to begin something more in the life of someone else.
 
May His favor rest upon you!

Comments

[Linda]

"Oh my" where do I begin...normally I can type my life away and yet I have sat here for weeks wondering if I'll ever share my story. I was so moved the Sunday Jill Bess shared her story! Since that Sunday weeks ago I've wanted to share mine. Funny how God works. He makes sure it's his time and place - as I read the "News from Crossroads" message I knew I needed to now! I can fight off my feelings of wanting to share but when God calls you to share it's for his good!

When I was 5 years old my mother decided to leave my father. My brother was 7 years old at the time. We moved from Fresno, CA to Sacramento, CA. My father had a gambling problem and had blown one to many paychecks. My mom had enough - so she packed us up in the car and drove away.

This is when my world of peace and happiness was removed from me for the next 12 years. My mother quickly re-entered the dating scene and found herself out late every night, drinking, smoking, dating and before long doing drugs. My brother was my life, he fed me, bathed me, put me to bed, he took care of my every need. We were living in a small two bedroom apartment, much different from the house I knew, with my own room, my own bed, a back yard to play in. This apartment had nothing. Slowly my mother would get things like furniture for the apartment but it wasn't anything like what I knew.

My mother was spiraling out of control and at such a young age I had no idea. All I knew was our first Christmas my brother and I woke up and ran into my mother's room to find she was not there. My brother was so brave, he said we need to wait for mommy to open presents she'll be home soon. We sat on the loveseat and watched TV the better part of the morning. At 1100 she called the apartment and said she was sorry that she had overslept at her friends house. She wanted us to open our presents anyways and she would be home soon. Even in the midst of such sadness I remember her saying to me, Linda there's a gift under my bed for you that I couldn't wrap. I had one present under the tree. My brother wanted me to open my presents first, so I did. A barbie doll that I loved, then I crawled under her bed and there was a pink and white hula hoop. I pulled it out and tried to find enough space in the living room to use it. Jameason said I'm going to open my present now. To this day I have no idea what he got - I was so excited about my barbie and hula hoop. She finally did come home that day. Days like this became our new normal. We lived like this for two years. Never seeing our father and wondering if our mother was ever going to come home.

As the drugs really began to take over her life she met and began to date a man by the name of David. David was her supplier. I was 7 years old when she met him. He was extremely abusive to her and very controlling. When I was 8 years old she announced to Jameason and I that she was getting married but that David did not want us at the wedding so we had to stay home. This was no surprise to us. They left for the weekend and went to Tahoe to get married. They came back and our life was different than the first two years. My mother was always home because she wasn't allowed to leave the house now. David after marrying my mother decided it was time for her to quick doing drugs so he stopped supplying them to her. She was a mess! I'm going to share some of those two years here - in hopes that if your reading this, God wanted you to find some healing. I'm certainly not sharing this for any other reason. The worst was when she invited another drug dealer into our home, my brother was not there and my mother had no money. My mother said to the man - just take my daughter. I'll never forget the look in his eyes. To this day I pray for this man. He simply looked down in shame and looked at me with such peace and hope for me and walked out. I was shaking in fear. I remember her screaming at him and running at him shaking saying please, please just take her I need it!! My mother shortly after that became suicidal. She wasn't able to detox properly and it was killing her literally. We found her in a field with a belt around her neck. We found her at home with a black trash bag over her head. All these times we found her just in time. These years in my life were the worst. I couldn't avoid suffering no matter how far I ran. One time while spending the night at a friends I woke to her brother's friend on top of me. He had undressed me and was naked himself. I was able to get up and ran into the bathroom. I sat naked in the bathroom for hours till morning. I was able to sneak back to my cloths and get dressed before anyone had even woke up. I never shared that story with anyone for years.

She had met up with some amazing people who began to drive us to church on Sunday's. They offered to pick us up every week and oh my was I ready to go each and every Sunday. I remember giving my life to Christ at 8 years old. I knew I had to give it to him because it couldn't be protected by anyone else. When I was 10 years old I woke up to cops ram sacking our home and two of them crawling through our bedroom window telling Jameason and I it would be okay. David was arrested and sentenced to prison for his drug dealing for 5 years. This was a true blessing to me of course. However, our weekends for the next few years were spend at the prison. Jameason and I enjoyed these Saturday's. My mother was able to visit with David and Jameason and I played in a kids room that the prison had set up. The staff there was amazing - now looking back. They fed us well and were wonderful roll models. I tribute some of the talks and things I learned at the prison to the brave service member I am today. These were volunteer cops that gave their time on their days off to take care of kids of inmates. Who would have known right? Because of David's crime, he was able to have conjugal visits. My mother had three children with David. Summer when I was 11, Shelby when I was 13 and David when I was 15. David after a few years with "good behavior" was released from prison. He came back into our somewhat peaceful home. My mother was drug free, somewhat happy and walking in faith with God. We were very involved in our church and things were really going well. When he came back he came back with even more hatred for my mother. She was becoming the mom I remembered when I was 5 years old. He didn't like it and began to beat her to death. Daily he would beat her till she was black and blue. My mother lived with broken and bruised ribs, missing teeth, a bald head from her hair being ripped out for years. Jameason had seen enough. He was now 16 years old, I was 14 when he left. He found my father and tried to live with him. My father still hadn't put his life back together after my mother left him so Jameason didn't stay long. Jameason had knows a friend of my dad's for some time and the man offered for him to live with him. Kent became a father to Jameason. To this day they are "father and son." Kent spoke at his wedding, they share holidays. Kent was Jameason's saving grace on earth. I was so happy for Jameason to finally be free. I knew my time would come.

It was two days after Christmas, my mother's birthday. I had just turned 16 the day before. David was beating my mother in their bedroom and as always I would take my younger siblings into the room and sing to them so that they wouldn't hear it. I heard the front door slam and I ran to my mother's side. I thought she was dead. She couldn't open her eyes there was blood everywhere. I felt her hand as I laid over her crying for her to say something. She was trying to say something. She finally asked for the phone. She had always told me we would leave but I never believed it. She called Women Escaping Violent Environments a non profit organization that will rescue families in abusive situations and help them get on their feet again. WE FINALLY DID IT! We left that day with nothing but ourselves. We ended up in Redding, CA where we lived in a half way house with other women and children. I felt safe there but knew our time would come when we would have to leave and live on our own. My mother finally was able to get government assistance and we moved into a very nice town home. I started a new school and was making new friends. My mom however started to leave me with Summer, Shelby and David and I could see it all happening again, the late nights and her not coming home. This time didn't seem too bad compared to the before, she was smoking again but I hadn't gotten into drugs. She was scheduled for her court date to try to get custody of the kids and knew she would be seeing David that day. The day came, I was at school and when I cam home he was in our town home. I couldn't believe after all we had gone through she let him back in. He convinced her in the parking lot of the court house that he had changed and that he would never hurt her again. Months went by with him coming to visit on weekend from Sacramento. My mother became more and more bitter and angry. I know it was because she was mad at her decision. One day she was just angry and mad and I came home at the wrong time. She bagan to scream at me and beat me for no reason at all. She threw me through my closet doors in my room. I got up and walked out, as I was leaving she said if you leave your grounded...I turned to her and said...I'll never come back.

Rewind to the "church" I spoke of previously in Sacramento. Warehouse Ministries - Remember after having gone there for so many years the youth pastor and his wife knew me very well. I called them because I was scared out of my mind. I did what my brother did and I had no where to go! I couldn't believe I did it. I talked to Betty and Gary and they said stay where you are we'll call you back in just a few minutes. To this day I have no idea how that conversation went. I just remember them calling me back and saying we'll be there in a few hours to get you. They made the three hour drive to Redding and picked me up. After picking me up, Gary drove to my house. He went to talk to my mom and all she said to him was "good luck with her!" He just turned and walked back to the car. We drove to their house, the drive was somber and quiet. Betty and Gary were in their mid 30s at the time and were probably thinking "oh my, what have we gotten ourselves into?" I had nothing, no cloths, nothing...

At their house I called me dad to see if I could live with him. He told me he would come see me there. Betty, Gary and my dad met. Betty and Gary had decided they were going to ask him if I could live with them. My dad said yes to them. When I went to walk my dad outside he said to me, I guess everyone gives up on me. I said no dad we didn't give up on you...he got in his car and drove away.

I began a new life with Betty and Gary. My new life was turned upside down just a few months into living with them when we received a phone call just days before our first Christmas together. My father had passed away, I wasn't yet 17 years old and my dad was dead. That Christmas was horrible for me. I was meeting my "new" extended family for the first time and everyone was wanting to be happy and all I could do was sit in sheer and utter grief with the words, "everyone gives up on me ringing like a bell in my head." As the months past I continued to work on my grief and pain.

At church I was now the youth pastor's daughter! My church family was so happy to have me home again! It was a true blessing and years of my life that I can never pay back. Here this young couple who had never been able to have kids found themselves with a 17 year old duaghter in her junior year. My junior and senior years were years of fun, laughter, memories and hope for a bright future. I remember my first report card coming home. No one had ever looked at my grades before so I never tried to apply myself. I remember Betty saying to me - Linda, these grades are not okay. You need to work harder and get them up. I maintained a 3.33 average after that for the remainder of my junior and senior year. For the first time ever I was in the presence of people who cared for me, loved me and encouraged me. Not just about my grades but cared about my salvation, my hope for a future, my life!!!

I lived with Betty and Gary until I was nearly 20 years old. Then a group of girls from the college group at church decided we would all move in together. Money was very tight, I could barely pay my part of the bills. I had no money for food. I knew I always had a open door at Betty and Gary's but that wasn't who they raised over the past 3 years. They had given me life skills that it takes most parents 20 years to instill. I had to do something. I found myself at the recruiting office for the United States Air Force. I enlisted two months past my 21st Birthday! I have proudly served for nearly 14 years in our armed forces never looking back and always looking forward.

Fast forward - June 2006, I'm married to the love of my life, I'm pregnant with our son Ethan when the Lord calls our son home. I give birth to our stillborn son and my world is crushed! I spent the past three years grieving the loss of my son all while distancing myself from God. I must have said a thousand times, how much more can one person take God! I know my grief and distance was because of all the other suffering in my life. I thought I could handle anything, just don't take my children from me! Truth be told "TODAY" I hold my hands high and continue to praise him in this storm day in and day out...I know today that my life is only for his good! God has used my life for his glory and what a blessing that is!

In HIS loving arms!

Linda